The Adrian Song of the Week
Listen here: https://www.soundclick.com/music/songInfo.cfm?songID=13509783
Following Easter week in the Christian calendar comes what is known as 'Low Sunday.' Usually attendance seems low by comparison to the Easter services and it can feel like a bit of a downer. The suggested readings often concern Thomas, the historical doubter or more accurately 'unbeliever.'
'Am I a Christian' is my Thomas song.
I have no qualms with viewing myself as a spiritual person. I pray. I seek guidance from Scriptures. I try and live by what I think are the important bits of Christian faith. It's been my life's work trying to share the insights I feel that such a worldview has given me, in a way that I hope will be helpful to others.
Yet, even as I write that, I feel uncomfortable self identifying as a genuinely Christian person. The life and personality of Christ just seems so far removed from the life I experience on a daily basis.
I am aware in myself of compromise and hesitancy. Of misunderstandings and mistakes. Of times my actions do not fit with my words.
I certainly don't go around walking on water or turning water into wine. I am not in a position of facing martyrdom because of my unflinching beliefs or of saving the world through my sacrificial actions.
Being part of the church doesn't help. Church communities can be wonderful. They can also be breeding grounds for the maintenance of cultural norms, deep seated prejudice and positive reinforcement of peoples worse behaviors.
There are large sections of the universal church that would happily decry my beliefs and suggest that, because of my stance on this or that issue, or emphasis of this doctrine or that theory, then I am not a true believer and will probably spend eternity in darkness or worse.
Apparently the word 'Christian' may have first been used as an insult, rather than as a badge of honour. Followers of Christ were referred to as 'Little Jesu's' ... rather like in the 1970's folks were called 'Jesus Freaks'.
If that be the case I feel my hesitancy adopting the name 'Christian' for myself has some justification.
I feel the best I can do is just trust that my stumbling and imperfect efforts to understand and follow teachings that deeply resonate with who I am, is enough.
Am I a religious person? Without a doubt.
Am I a spiritual person? Yes. Spirituality is important to me.
But am I 'Christian'? Depends on just what you mean by 'Christian.'
And who you are speaking with.
And by what common standards (if there actually are any universally acknowledged criteria) that you are judging that question by.
The recording is an old one from the 1980's, created in my tiny music room and copied from a cassette tape. The piano pad/vocal part is fairly straightforward. I tried to place a layer of rhythmic uncertainty and occasional rumbles below the surface, and echoes around the vocal, as befits the subject matter.
Make of it what you will. As I explain in the song, "If I can't be honest about my doubts, how can I be honest about anything else?"
Am I a Christian?
©Adrian J Pratt 1987
Am I a Christian?
It depends just what you mean
For sure I have a faith in God
And there are things I believe.
But can I really claim to have
A life full of the Divine...
And does it make any sense to claim
Jesu's life was anything like mine.
If you want to stick a label on me
Go ahead but I won't wear it
If you want to pigeon hole me in my beliefs
Go ahead but I won't declare them
Am I a Christian?
It depends just what you mean
For sure I have a faith in God
And there are things I believe.
I've had people say to me
'Just have faith and everything will turn out right'
But I've seen a lot of darkness in the eyes
of those who claim to walk in the light.
Hypocrisy and bigotry and prejudices inflamed
And all this going on its claimed
In Jesu's precious name.
If you find these thoughts offensive,
if it makes your heckles rise,
Then I throw to you a challenge;
Am I singing truth
Or do I speak lies?
Am I a Christian?
It depends just what you mean
For sure I've got a faith in a living God
And there are things I believe
It seems to me these days
That truth is hard to find
I feel the only truth we really believe
Is the one by which we live our lives
I don't want to lead anyone astray
I don't want to pull the wool over anyone’s eyes
But some of the claims to truth I've heard
Have turned out to be blatant lies.
Maybe I'm being contradictory
Maybe I'm not making much sense
But if I can't be honest about my doubts
How can I be honest about anything else?
Am I a Christian?
For once tell me what you really mean.
I've got a faith in a loving God
That I pray is enough for me and Him.